If you don't want to read a long post boring novel, feel free to skip to the end and enjoy some pictures from the weekend!
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Heavenly Father has many things in store for us.
We all have our own trials, our own accomplishments, and our own goals in life. We all have our own understanding of God, of His plan for us, and our own way of worshiping Him. And, just as we have our own special relationship with our earthly fathers, we have one with Him.
I don't like to share my personal trials with everyone on the internet, but this is a post that I feel needs to be shared.
I grew up in a wonderful home, with a beautiful family, that loves to serve.
My parents raised my siblings well, as they traveled the world. I did not get the opportunity that my siblings did, to live out of the good ol' Dodge Ram, and travel the US, among other countries, but I grew up living with the same values, the same mindset, knowing all of the family stories, and having a very close relationship with my earthly father, who helped me know my Heavenly Father.
I think that my longing for travel comes from my family, their stories, and the fact that I didn't get to do that.
My mom was always serving, and still is, and I knew I wanted to be just like her.
I suffer from Severe Anxiety, really bad allergies, a horrible immune system, Fibromyalgia, and asthma.
I know that because of these, Mike.. my Mom.. my Dad.. they are constantly questioning me when I say I am going to travel because that I feel like that is Gods plan for me.
There are many things I struggle with in my life. The hardest thing is my anxiety. I can't go to college, I can't get my license, but yet I can serve God. How is this?
This is what my Mom has asked me quite often. She can't understand why I can want to travel and serve the Fatherless, but can't do simple things! And I could never give her an answer, because I didn't know myself!
I pray to Him, asking Him how he can give me strength to listen to others! How He can give me strength to comfort my nieces and nephews when they are in so much pain! How He can give me strength to be a wife, to want to serve my brothers and sisters, but he can't give me the strength to do normal things. He can't give me the strength and courage to take a test so I can drive! He can't give me courage to learn in a college!
I try so hard every day, I see doctor after doctor, I pray. I pray because I know that I want to graduate from college, I pray because I know that when I am a mother, my children will look up to me. I pray because I don't know how my Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally, could confuse me as he has. And then it hit me recently. It hit me like nothing ever has before. He has blessed me with the strength to listen to others, to be there for my family, for my husband, because that is His plan for me.
Driving, Tests, that is what I want right now, not what He wants right now.
I thought it was Satan keeping me from doing what I was
supposed to. But it wasn't. It was Satan making me think that these worldly things was what I needed right now. Satan had me doubting myself, and making me believe that to be someone, you had to have a license and be in college. I have been watching friends and family drive, and graduate college, and was feeling so worthless. I was comparing myself to them, and that is an act of Satan. God would never have one of His children feel this way!
These things are very important, but they obviously are not things I should be thinking about at this time. I have been trying so hard to overcome my anxiety so that I could accomplish these things that everyone else has been able to do, that It has distracted me from what He wanted me to be focusing on. Service.
I want to drive, and I want a good college education so much, but that is not what He wants for me at this time. I have realized that if it were, He would help me to make it happen.
I feel so deeply in my heart, that I am supposed to be a mother. I don't know when, I don't know how, I don't know where, I don't know who. I just know that I am going to be one, and that it is His plan for me. I have prayed and prayed for courage to go to college recently, and while I have been searching for online courses, self help books, and online practice driving tests for Utah, I have come across so many stories, church groups, and blogs that tell of people serving, Volunteering, helping. Couples selling their homes, people raising donations, pregnant mothers getting preparing to serve missions half way across the world ,all because it became clear to them, that this was our Fathers plan for them. My Google searches were leading me to these sites, and this was my answer to all those prayers.
I know that Heavenly Father has been waiting for the right time to make this clear to me. I have nieces and nephews that have been needing me, I have parents, and siblings that have been needing me, I have had friends and family that I have been needing, and I have things to learn. This is why it wasn't made clear to me until now.
I have felt it in my heart, but now I
know.
I don't know how, where, how long, or even when, I will be leaving. I don't know who I will be with, Group? Husband? Child? But wherever I go, I won't be alone. I will be with my Heavenly Father.
I know I am supposed to go. I don't know where the money will come from, I don't know when it will be, and I don't know for how long. It may be only a few weeks! But I am going. And I hope it's soon.
Now I will pray that Mike will have an open mind. That he will be able to feel what I feel, and have faith. He is such a wonderful husband. He works
so hard. He has always provided for me. He loves me, and I love him. With all of my heart I love him.
There are two things I am sure of, I will raise a beautiful family with Michael, and together we will serve the Lord.
I am excited for this journey together. I am excited for where God leads us.
Happy Tuesday everyone!
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Now moving on!
Even if you can't donate to
this sweet family, you should still read
their story. They're pretty awesome.
And if you want to be inspired, head over
here and read her Lucas story! Part 1, 2, 3, and 4. Bring a box of tissues though. You'll need it.
Now it's off to clean my house and try to get it looking like this again!
*Squeaky clean*